You may be wondering how I could let go in a heartbeat, someone whose body has become more familiar than my own, whose voice and touch color every moment of every day. Well, always on the horizon is the hope for someone perfect. 

I don’t know her name. I cannot imagine her face. But my (ex) lover cannot compete with this phantom, more real than her warm flesh and blood. I live in my mind and I cannot deny her. In every fight, every disappointment, she comforts me, whispers in my ear: with me, all will be as you wish – and all will be as I wish, because you and I are just the same. 

The years will pass. I will wait for her by a quiet stream, gazing in the water, imploring her to come up and love me as I love her. 

The years will pass, and I will leave behimd every good thing that happens to me, waiting for the one who is so close, and so far, just one life away. 


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