Uncategorized

BGC

We are now in a small district in the metro whose neat grid of numbered streets reminds me of New York. In front of her building, we say goodbye. As I walk along the sleepy shops, the sun rises higher in the sky, and the sidewalks shimmer in the heat. I take off my coat. My shoes are broken. I don’t like the way I look, but no one knows me here.

No one knows me.

This morning it’s like the whole world has been born again. The early risers wear creased frowns, squinting in the harsh light.

Last night someone read my palm and told me that I hang on to too many memories. That’s completely right. If only there was some way to tip my brain, empty it out through one ear, gather the memories and release them into the stratosphere where they can belong to no one. Or just simply douse them in gasoline and set them on fire.

Maybe if I close my mouth –  If I keep them trapped behind my teeth – If I never give them any air – they will die and I can begin again. 

I hung on to them because I truly believed that all the best of my life was behind me. But she’s showing me that it isn’t true. 

I’m learning to live all over again. I will live in a new place. I have new friends. I am going to have a new job. I will even speak a different language. I have a new body. I most certainly do not like it. But I’ll take it.

I’ll take it all. 

I am now in a small district so different from the dirt and filth surrounding the place I used to live. Even the garbage cans are covered in intricate paintings. I could still let it make me resentful about the oppression of the proletariat. Or imperialism. But that wouldn’t change a thing. It’s like a little death, all these bittersweet realizations.

I’m not Trinity. I’m not Neo. I am not of consequence. 

I am just a girl walking in the street on a hot morning, and someone, somewhere is working and loving me. And soon she’ll be wanting me home.

It is a beautiful new day; the wind is blowing gently and the coffee is decent. I am a girl of no consequence, and there is no burden I must bear if I don’t want to.

I am a girl of no consequence, except to the one who calls me home.

Around me, the city begins to wake. The crowds swallow me up. 

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