Broad Terms / Community / Diary / Love / Pop Culture / Some Advice

Where Pedophilia Comes From


My [redacted] and [redacted] both made sexual advances for me around the same time when I was a kid (about 9-10 years old). I had nightmares while that was going on. In the most vivid one, I dreamed that I was on a bed and struggling against [redacted]’s grasp; my nails were dug into the skin of his arm as I pushed him away from me. I woke up suddenly and my actual nails were dug into my twisted sheets.

It was years and years before I told my [redacted]. Out of curiosity, I asked her what she thought would have happened if I had told her when I was still a kid. She said, “Your [redacted] might have murdered him.” I said, “Yeah, I thought something like that might happen.”


Once you begin to see people, really see people, it’s impossible not to love most children. They’re helpless, cute, eager to please. Like dogs. I can’t resist dogs. Most people can’t either. Even though dogs will slobber on you and steal your shoes and pee on your things.

But it’s a “thing” to love dogs – it’s not a thing to love children. You don’t accuse a person of bestiality when they say they’re in love with a dog; but the automatic assumption when you say you’re in love with a child is that you’re a pedophile.

“Well, I can say that you look pretty. You turn my legs into spaghetti. You set my heart on fire.” – Dillon, Thirteen Thirtyfive 

“Take me down to the bridge, where you know that I’ve always loved you… You look so beautiful it hurts me.” – Eisley, Golly Sandra 

The context of these lyrics is a parent-child relationship. But in your mind it doesn’t fit, does it? Because you don’t think an adult could ever feel intensely for a child unless it was pedophilia. There are boxes in your mind: all things INTENSE go into the box labeled SEXUAL. There isn’t any box for INTENSE NON-SEXUAL FEELINGS, aka LOVE, because no one taught you all about love, you know so very little when there is so much to know about it…


One of the results of this lack of knowledge about love is pedophilia. A parent – a father, about 99.9% of the time, I’d estimate – feels strongly for their child, and they don’t know where to put that feeling. They don’t recognize what they’re really feeling and how to express it, and so a natural, healthy affection becomes perverted into a pathological sexual desire.

They feel intensely, and because society says they can’t feel that way for a child, they repress it. Until they can’t repress it anymore.


It’s not wrong to feel that way for a child, but there are so many different ways to express it, to channel that energy, and sex is NOT one of those ways.

“What are the ways, then, for a parent?” Stop drinking so much. Do your work more efficiently so that you can come home early and check her homework. Buy her a guitar. Improve your relationship with her mother. Start working out. Become a better person. It’s hard work. Now you have your motivation.

There are so many things you can do. Just, for God’s sake, don’t try to have sex with her.


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