Broad Terms / Cultural Lies / Diary / Feminist / I Was a Lover / sex / Some Advice

Sex, Solved

I.

What’s the difference between a partner and a fuck buddy? (Barring stupid games of sexual manipulation)

PARTNERS

Person 1: I’m headed to this place.

Person 2: I’m headed there too.

Person 1: Wanna go together?

Person 2: Sure!

* * *

FUCK BUDDIES

Person 1: I’m headed to this place.

Person 2: I’m headed somewhere different, but I can go your way for a bit. Want me to come?

Person 1: Sure!

II.

There was someone, once, who would see me when she was around. She promised me nothing. We knew there was no future at all for us. She made it clear for me in the sweetest way.

She touched me and held me outside. Sent me money when I was broke. (That was nice.) Fucked me just how I like it. Toasted me with sweet wine at brunch, and said: Everyone here knows that I want you.

She was never mine, and I was never hers. Everything was so… good…

So many people have promised me the world. No one has delivered. It’s somehow all worse when they try and fail, than if they never try at all.

III.

In this society, people want everything to be simple. It’s ALWAYS or NEVER. It’s THE WHOLE SHITLOAD or NONE AT ALL.

There’s nothing unusual about someone sprinkling pepper on his food, but if you see that same person eating bowls of pepper, then you know he’s got a problem. In some aspects of life we do understand the concept of moderation. Right? So why do people think they have to be BORING NERDS or STUPID SHITS? Why is it ROSS or JOEY, when Ross is a martyr whose goodness is unsustainable and unhealthy, and Joey is disgustingly selfish? Why is it that people think I must feel only SWEET PLATONIC ADORATION for someone or WANT TO USE THEM LIKE A FUCKING WHORE? No one seems to understand how it’s possible for me to respect and admire someone and also desire them sexually.

The question isn’t how I combine the two, but why they were ever separated in the first place. If everyone felt and nourished sexual desire only for people they respected, that solves the whole problem of rape culture / sexual harassment / “it’s complicated” – type relationship where one is screwing the other emotionally. That’s how sex is supposed to work between humans, because of this whole society thing that we have where we aren’t compelled biologically to fuck everyone all the time to propagate the species. (See: every other living thing on earth.) We have these complex brains that make sex a socially complicated thing. It’s not just for making babies anymore. It means a lot of things. It’s difficult to handle. That’s why children aren’t allowed to have sex. That’s why you need to think and act like an adult if you want to have sex. And that all starts, again, with consideration for another person’s thoughts and feelings.

“But we agreed it was just sex!” Shut up. Humans rarely ever say what they really mean. Most communication is nonverbal. Babies and children understand situations and build relationships with others without knowing a single word. You communicated things without words. You made promises with your kisses. I know you didn’t mean to, but you did. Your words don’t excuse you. And if someone did this to you, their words don’t excuse them either. If you’re going to nitpick a previous agreement to escape your obligation to take care of the feelings of the human being you’ve been fucking, you’re not a person who’s trying to have a connection with someone else; you’re a freaking lawyer. Put your dick away and take your shit to court where it belongs.

IV.

I have sex with someone now. She reads this… (Hi!!!) We talk. I like to make sure that she’s fine, and she does too.

I know it sounds like bullshit, but I really do think that someone else can make her happier than I can.

I won’t claim a heart that I can’t care for.

Your dear heart is probably more precious than you think. And if I stole it by mistake, I’m going to give it back because hearts belong with whoever (whomever?) can care for them the best.

But since we’re both going this way…

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