Are you familiar with the law of diminishing marginal utility? It’s a concept usually confined to the field of economics, which is a shame because it’s really a law of life, and one of the most important for achieving happiness and fulfillment.
It’s very simple: the more you get of a certain thing, the less enjoyment (utility) you’ll derive from each additional amount of that thing.
For example. To a fellow wandering in the desert, half-dead of thirst, finding a single bottle of water is going to gratify her immeasurably and possibly save her life. For you, who is never far from a water dispenser or at least a running tap, the idea of clean water obviously doesn’t excite you at all.
Going back to our silly desert traveler who didn’t pack enough water: Say she drinks one bottle. Thirst is quenched, she believes in God again, her life is saved, etc. Great! Let’s give her another bottle. She drank it up just as quickly! Now give her another one. And another one. And another one. Give her twenty. Give her more than she can carry. As she tries to refuse, now start bringing out those huge bottles that sit on top of water coolers. Surround her with them.
She won’t want all this water. None of the successive bottles of water that we gave her made her feel the way the first one did. Why? Because she needed the first one. She didn’t need any of the others quite as badly.
When you’re up to your eyeballs in posssssions, nothing money can buy could possibly excite you at all. This is why things like designer bags, gourmet dishes, country clubs and other absurdly priced and mostly useless purchases exist: for people who have so much that they never lack for anything, and thus always have to look for something to excite them.
Here’s the thing: You can’t be satisfied by consuming something you don’t need. You can’t feel full from eating something when you’re not even hungry.
They’re never hungry, and so they can never feel full.
He had sex on the brain, all the time. He only agreed to come if a hot girl was going to be there. He hung around for a while, but when it became apparent that no one in the room was going to have sex with him, he excused himself to meet a woman outside.
So much money. So much property. So many women, so much sex and drugs -where’s the satisfaction?
There’s really only two circumstances under which sex can be mind-blowing. Not just good, or great, but mind-blowing, the kind that makes you wander around in a daze afterwards, and relive every moment over and over for days on end.
1. Your hormones are raging
2. You’re in love
In both cases, again, you’re hungry: You lack for it, you want and wane. LDMU: Only when you really need something will you find satisfaction from getting it.
(Obviously, the most mind-blowing sex ever happens when 1 and 2 coincide.)
It can be easy to find fulfillment from meaningless sex when you’re young and no. 1 is in full force. Growing older, you wonder: Why does nothing match that early thrill? New partners, new positions, new guides, porn and / or Cosmo tips piling up on your brain: still nothing. Why isn’t it ever magic anymore?
Sans hormones, you’ll have to No. 2, and that’s hard work. You have to find someone, get to know them, make sure you’re compatible on the fundamentals, make compromises, open yourself up to her, spend time with her, take care of her… it’s exhausting just to think about it. Oh, there’s this hot girl, friend of a friend. And you’ve got some pretty good Tinder matches. Have sex with them, who knows? Maybe she’ll be good, maybe she’s the magic you’re looking for.