I. Always. No, Really.
Love causes pain, directly or indirectly, and it’s not as simple as loving some dick who cheats on you or treats you like shit – it’s that your soul aches for the trials and tribulations that other body has to endure that you can’t endure for them.
That’s the part of love no one tells you about. In fact, people will tell you the exact opposite about love, that it should never cause you pain. If your love doesn’t cause pain, you’re doing it wrong.
II. Science Agrees
If you’re sleeping beside someone (whom you presumably care about) who has trouble sleeping, then you also run the risk of developing sleep problems yourself. It’s more than just having to put up with your spouse’s constant screaming night terrors. Studies were done on couples where one experienced chronic pain and therefore had trouble sleeping. What they found was that the spouse tended to have more trouble sleeping, simply out of empathy.
The study also showed that, the closer the relationship was, the more trouble the spouse without pain had getting to sleep. And that’s not to say that the suffering spouse suffered any sleep deprivation due to their partner – all of the negative sleep effects were on the partner who didn’t have to deal with debilitating pain.
III. Oh By the Way, Love at First Sight (Or First Date) Doesn’t Exist
Love seems almost entirely purposeless when you first find yourself in it. You’re being all gooey and lame in the way other people hate: you grope each other in public, every idea the other person has is fucking brilliant. So it’s pretty sweet and all, but it’s built on a shaky foundation. And we accept this because we know that when it all tumbles down, if they’re still standing next to you, then it was all worth it. And that’s when you start seeing a real meaning behind why you feel the way you feel, and this one definitely grows in time.
If this shit happens right away, then you need to run, because the other person doesn’t love you – they’re just insane and needy. If they want to sacrifice their own comforts for yours, or you find them going far and wide out of their way to make you happy, almost to the point of being unreasonable, that’s all thanks to this deep-rooted need to make the other person happy, despite whatever might be preventing that. Appreciate the person who does that if you’ve had a fairly long relationship, but fear the one who does it after knowing you for three weeks – that guy’s unstable.
Being legitimately in love with someone else means you want for them and you do for them in addition to yourself. You still like you, you probably want to make sure you have the basic comforts in life, but you want more for the other person and you’ll do things to ensure they have it. If things are going the way they should be, you like it. If you find yourself hating every time your partner asks for a glass of water, then shit went wrong and you probably need to reconsider the nature of your relationship.