/ Cultural Lies / Dating

Cultural Lies II: (Illustrated by Online Dating)

The Lie: The only person you can trust is yourself.

When you hear advice that seems to always presume the worst about people, it’s easy to agree that it’s true. Here’s somebody who’s been around the block – he knows how the world works (and it works by everyone screwing each other over, all the time).

But in reality, this is passive-aggressive bullshit that’s slung around by people who like to paint themselves as victims. They’ve been burned a few times, so they pass off this “Everyone is out to fuck you” load as a hard lesson we all must eventually learn. It’s not. It’s their way of saying “Life is really hard, and all of my problems are completely out of my control. I cannot be held accountable for my current situation because it is a product of the corrupt state of the world itself.”

Yes, it’s probably a good idea to be critical of other peoples’ motives, and it’s always smart to keep your eyes open for potential scams. But basing your life on the idea that you’re the only trustworthy person on the entire planet is not only stupid, it’s dangerous. Not to mention one of the most narcissistic frames of mind imaginable.

A Better Alternative:

“Some people are bad. Know how to spot them.”

The entire point of making friends and being social is to weed out the assholes and emotionally connect with the ones who are actually good for you. It’s the same reason we look for romantic connections. Not so that you have a place to rub your genitals or to fulfill your biological obligation to make more people-animals, but so you can go through life with someone you love and care for, who also loves and cares for you.

We are designed to go through life in small groups, and forming those groups requires that we trust at least a select few people. You absolutely cannot let yourself get into the mindset that everyone else in existence is in on one huge game of “See who can fuck you the most creatively.” How egocentric is that? It is, in effect, saying that you are the only morally sound person on the planet. Add in a few hallucinations, and you’re virtually diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.

That doesn’t mean that you have to enter a room with rainbows shooting out of your asshole. Nor does it mean that you have to put on a blindfold and fall backward into every relationship to see if they catch you. There are indeed plenty of dickwads out there who will try to take advantage of you at the drop of a hat. But it also doesn’t mean that you have to approach every person in the same manner as you’d approach a rattlesnake. Constant distrust is for people looking to avoid the hard work of opening themselves up and building connections to others. They’re not cynical – they’re lazy.

 John Cheese for

* * * * *

some personal observations about online dating (these are mostly generalities, of course):

1. Overly sweet / expressive (without having ever met you): in a relationship, looking to cheat. They don’t have time to build attraction, so they need to reel you in with flattery.
2. Very long flirty messages, no pic: not pretty.
3. Bisexuals: much less decisive than lesbians.
4. Won’t add you on FB after more than 1 week of a lot of messaging: probably a huge creep
5. Super long profile: probably narcissistic.
6. Below 25 years old: probably emotionally labile (includes myself). People above 25 can be emotionally labile too, of course. Common term for emotionally labile is BITCH BE CRAY, pardon my French.
7. Almost every girl who considers herself an intellectual lists Haruki Murakami in her favorites. I’m wondering what percentage of them actually really enjoy all that obfuscation. (Common term for obfuscation: get to the point, dude.)
8. Ditto for jazz. God I hate most jazz.

more to come later, maybe.

BTW these pertain only to dating, it was different with the people I became friends with – we did message for a long time before they trusted me with their precious FB’s, but I don’t have time for that anymore.


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