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You’re Still Wrong

I know you’ve been struggling with finding yourself outside a relationship. But I want you to know, I really believe you don’t need to be in a relationship. You don’t need to be with anyone in particular to feel you’ve got more to your life and yourself. You do have a lot going for you. You don’t have to try so hard. You shouldn’t look nor wait for it. I really don’t want you to struggle like that.

 

*********

 

Being alone and never feeling lonely is like getting cut and not bleeding. It means you’re dead. When you feel no pain. When you feel no grief after a loss. Why am I being encouraged to be like that? I’m so glad I didn’t succeed.

 

I do need to be in a relationship. And with my girlfriend in particular. I looked for her. I waited for her. I struggled for her. I did all that because hardly anything that is good comes easily. I had to do all that because we both have emotional issues. I wanted to do all that because there is so much I want from her and so much I want to give her.

 

I’m not complete. And I won’t be until I have a wife and children.

 

Connection comes from the lacking… there is a hole in my heart. I kept it empty. I kept it empty for her. I left a space where we can build real love.

 

Instead of filling my mind with only thoughts of myself, my wants, the things I think are great about me, things I want to do and get.

 

There are huge hollows in me that I keep empty for the family I’ll have someday. I keep ’em airy, of course. The beds are made. I’m making the spaces better and better every day to get ready for when they move in.

 

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