Her Royal Musculature

Wrote this in church the other day.

It’s a scene exploring the possibilities of doing it with Her Royal Musculature (not her real name)


Inexplicably, I’m attending her school, and doing duty in the same office. She’s sitting at her desk, earphones in, head bobbing sexily to the unheard music as she solves the fundamental problems that plague the modern world. I’m solving smaller problems at the communal table. 

HRM: (stretches) I have to go to the bathroom.

Me: Me too.

We walk to the bathroom together while making small talk about our classes, at which we’re both excelling wildly. I hang around creepily while HRM does her business. I give her my most intense bedroom eyes as she washes her hands. 

Me: (stroking HRM’s biceps) You know, HRM, I’ve always been attracted to you.

HRM: Oh, I don’t know, we work together, and I’m your superior.

Me: Yes… my superior. It would be a shame if you were to… take advantage of me in any way. I would have no choice but to do exactly as you say. 

A: And yet you still haven’t submitted the filing I gave you yesterday.

Me: Oh, HRM, don’t let a silly piece of filing come between us.

A: Well, I guess you are a bit attractive.

Me: Mmm… I was hoping that someday you’d notice all the tight tops, push-up bras, short skirts and 5-inch stillettos I’ve been wearing for months.

A: They’re all right.

I step closer to her, put my hand on the back of her head and pull her close for a kiss. WITH SURPRISING STRENGTH AND GRACE, HRM picks me up and pushes me against the wall. 

HRM: I like being the dominant one.

Me: (breathlessly) Oh yes, now I remember, from that in-depth exclusive interview I had with you three years ago, wherein you revealed intimate details to me about your sex life, and afterwards we went out for drinks and dancing, despite your packed schedule.

HRM: Hmm, I don’t remember.

Me: Oh… that’s all right. Please kiss me, HRM.

We kiss passionately. Out of nowhere, a king-sized bed with pink satin sheets, sprinkled with rose petals and laid out with towels folded into swan shapes, materializes directly behind us. HRM carries me effortlessly towards the bed and throws me onto it. Then she dives on top of me like a wrestler. 

Me: Wow, you’re so strong. I bet you last for hours.

HRM: Are you kidding? I’ve lasted for days.

Me: But what about food and water? And baths?

HRM: I only eat and drink for fun, but I don’t actually need it to survive.

Me: Ah, just like Superman. I get it.

Days later, she carries me out of the bathroom. I’m pregnant with her baby. 

The End


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s