Fitness Advice, Clones, and World Domination

My dreams of benevolent world domination are constantly being held back by silly things like “not having a degree”, “being unemployed”, and “having an utter lack of expertise and credentials”. Trifles, obviously.

Anyway, I am currently reduced to trying to tell the world how to fix itself on a blog which reaches what I estimate to be around 5 people daily. I’m thinking that if I could put my ideas in video form, with bright colors and animations and things like that, I could maybe reach a broader audience.

Unfortunately, this goal is also being held back by other silly things like “having no background in film or animation”, “having no equipment”, and “being totally averse to the idea of working with other humans”.

However, I still have hope that one day I will stumble upon a pod of clones of myself so that I can have the help I need.


And we’ll all be blonde, for no reason.

San Diego Comic-Con

With that in mind, I’m planning some videos for me and my clones to make. Today’s idea is Exercising When You Would Rather Use Your Gym Money To Buy Food (or maybe just Exercising Without the Gym).

*note: I am actually somewhat serious about these things.

  1. The first step is to develop good posture, which will open up your breathing, release tension in your muscles and make you look sexier. (shot: a series of clones demonstrating common posture errors, and then exercises to correct them)
  2. At all times, you must be conscious of how your body feels, and make all movement free and natural. Consider every physical task that you perform throughout your day as an opportunity for exercise. (Some shots of clones cleaning the house in French maid uniforms, speed-walking down the street, subtly doing breathing exercises while waiting in line at the bank, etc.)
  3. For cardio, try going to the mall (sans excessive cash or cards, to prevent you from buying stupid things), plotting a route that goes through all of your favorite stores, or just window-shopping. Do obnoxious things such as trying on clothes and not buying anything, or trying out makeup, or fiddling with musical instruments or gadgets. Or books, or car equipment, whatever you’re interested in. (shots of clones giggling and messing up clothes stores and putting lipstick on each other and playing guitar in music stores really badly)
  4. Follow exercise videos at home. Start with some gentle stretching and move on to strength exercises. I personally like bridges and planks because they make me better in bed (needs citation). If you don’t have money even for a yoga mat, you can do this stuff on a thick blanket. Or a pile of thin blankets, I don’t know. (shots: obvious)
  5. Do step exercises on a stairwell where nobody will report you.
  6. Put on workout gear and climb the stairs to the top floor of a 30-story building. Bring water and rest frequently.

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